Dating a Dud

I’ve been “dating” this guy, Charles for a few weeks. I use the term extremely loosely, as all we basically do is hook up from time to time. He likes to call me, and I’ll pretend to be busy unless I’m interested in getting some.

Last Wednesday, I got tickets to see Margaret Cho, and I got him one b/c he said he wanted to go. He had 2 days to switch to the early shift. Did he do it, no. He said he couldn’t find anyone. So he freaking waited until 4 on Friday to tell his manager that he had to leave early. Obviously, he wasn’t going to leave very early with such little notice, so he got to leave 15 minutes early. Yeah, the show started at 8:30 and he didn’t get there until about 8:40. I hate it when people are late. Then, after the show, we’re settling the bill (MB, Duh, and some of her friends were there), and he leans over towards me to ask me if I’ll pay for his drinks b/c he only has $20’s! First of all: I hate paying for guys and I had already gotten him a ticket. Second: he should have ripped the check out of my hand and paid for MY drinks and his drinks with his stupid $20’s. Okay, I’m getting really pissed then. So, we walk out, and f’er is in front of me. Would you believe that he walks through the door, and not only doesn’t hold it open for me, but he lets it swing shut so that I had to catch it before it hit me in the face!! TWICE!! No manners. Fine, okay. So he drives me home, and we discover the following:

1) He loves George Bush (I hate him with a passion)
2) He thinks Republicans are realistic and Democrats (which I am) are idealists
3) He loves Sanford and Son (which I loathe with a passion)
4) He hates New Kids in the Hall (which I LOVE)

Then, at about 3 am, b/c he can’t take a hint that it’s time to leave, he starts molesting me. He is such a horrid kisser sometimes. It’s hard to describe so bare with me. You know how sometimes you have food or too much chapstick on your bottom lip, and you open your mouth a little tiny bit, stick your tongue out a teeny tiny bit and lick your bottom lip? Well that’s how he kisses. He just doesn’t do it right. I hate it, so I end up biting his freaking tongue b/c I’m trying to freaking pull it out of his GD mouth. Oh well, I got so frustrated that after about 15 minutes, I’m like, “Gosh, I sure am tired and I have to get up early tomorrow.” He was out of there by 3:30. He called me like 90 times on Saturday. He knew I was going to the Wine Festival-which I didn’t invite him to-and he called me in the afternoon, and then later that night. How on earth do I get myself into these things.

So he’s supposed to be watching my dog while I’m in Hawaii, but he told me YESTERDAY that he won’t be in town for the first 3 days so I have to find a back up. Yeah, super. Wish he would have told me sooner b/c I have less than 2 weeks to freaking find someone. Bastard.

So, in a nutshell, that’s the story. . .